So, anyone who read my blog yesterday knows I was asking how long I should leave a partial with an agent (the LAST partial I had out, I might add) before giving her a nudge to remind her of my existence. A lot of people very kindly responded to give it another month or two.
BUT by some cosmic coincidence she got back to me last night. Again--weird, since I just put the post up yesterday morning and I'd been waiting three months.
Rejection. All very subjective, they can only take on so many people, wishes me the best of luck elsewhere blah blah blah
I took it well. Really well. But only if you compare how I took it to how my two-year old grandson takes being told he has to go stand in the corner. In that contest, I think (I hope) I came out marginally better. I mean...I wouldn't put any money on it, but I can hope, right?
I just...wish I could curse on my blog. haha. There are certain things that only a lot of cursing conveys. But I'll refrain. I wouldn't have last night--which is why I didn't post about this last night. I did, however, find myself wishing that I happened to get rejected on the first Tues. of February, so I could at least cry about it in an IWSG post today.
But it wasn't--and I need to do some crying anyway. Sorry. I promise to try and keep it to a minimum. I just really wish they wouldn't make you wait three months to hear a rejection. There has to be a better system than that. It's like...the longer it takes, the more my hopes raise, and the more crushed I am when they're knocked back down. Again.
There were (for the first time, I might add) serious thoughts last night about quitting this whole game. I don't know. People have different make-ups. It's not like I want to be a quitter--I just don't know how many more rejections--especially on things like partials and fulls--I have in me. Pouring your whole heart and months and months of you life into something, only to be repeatedly told it isn't good enough...sometimes I wonder what the hell I was thinking starting this whole thing.
But then I've got five years into this. Five YEARS. Ugh. I really want to curse. Oh well. I'll curse out loud, and, for those of you that don't mind, just interject a lot of it as you read along. So I can't quit. Cause then I just wasted five years and, on top of that, this is the only thing I've ever been good at. Although, jury is out on that too--cause apparently I'm not that good. Not even good enough to get someone to read past fifty pages.
So, bottom line is, I don't feel like I can quit--as of today I am forging on-- but I don't know how many more times I'll be knocked down again before that changes. Maybe a lot. Maybe I'm tougher than I think--or stubborn enough to not want to lose the game I've been playing with my life. Or, maybe not. Maybe one of these days I'm gonna open my email, see a rejection, and that's just gonna be it. Game over. You lose. Better luck next time.
I don't know. And that's where I guess I'll leave it right now.