Also, don't forget to check out my interview with debut author, JESSA RUSSO, author of EVER. Click HERE.
Here's my entry...hope you guys like it!
Veil Hill
Cobwebs shroud the
trees, the ground stinks like rot. Rumor says the “veil” is thinner here on
Veil Hill. I’ve never cared. Until tonight.
Tonight, instead of staying home teasing my wrist with a razor, I went to a bonfire with my buddy, Rick. Then I bitched until he drove me here. I don’t know why.
Tonight, instead of staying home teasing my wrist with a razor, I went to a bonfire with my buddy, Rick. Then I bitched until he drove me here. I don’t know why.
I’d actually been having fun. For once, I hadn’t been thinking
of how Callie always smelled like strawberries. I hadn’t been thinking about
how we talked the night it happened. I hadn’t texted her that night, cause I’d
lost my cell. I’d called on my home phone. Callie had said she was tired.
At the campfire, I wasn’t
wondering why she’d decided to go out, or when they’d find her killer. I’d been
having fun, until—suddenly—I felt compelled to come here.
Rick asks, “Now what?”
I glance down the hill. Cheerful jack-o-lanterns dot the town.
I glimpse a huge blow-up caldron.
And I’m torn. I need to stay, but I wanna
run.
Seeing my face, Rick laughs. “Finn O’Malley’s scared!
Chickenshit!”
I ignore him. The scent of strawberries wafts past. Then my feet are moving backwards--like I’m
possessed. Something bad is coming. But Rick
is unaware. I grab for him… as the hill caves in. And Rick’s being drug through it. I’m screaming, reaching...
She whispers. “Finn.”
Soft hair brushes my cheek. Another whisper. “Rick texted on your phone that night, pretending
to be you, asking to meet. He always wanted me…it was him…”
Rick’s shrieking--frozen by some force. He claws at me, desperate.
I step away.
Rick’s body folds through the hill like human origami.
Callie’s touch fades. But I feel peace. In her. In me. A ghost of her whisper, “Thank you for
bringing him.”
“You’re welcome.”
ooo! that was truly an awesome tale of love, loss & revenge! excellent!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Tara!!
DeleteLoved this one. yes!
ReplyDeleteRevenge and a ghost that knows how to get it!
Excellent! Just Excellent!
Thanks, Yolanda. :) Glad you liked it.
DeleteHi Tamara, nice to meet you. Great story, spooky and with just the right revenge plot.
ReplyDeleteNancy
Nice to meet you too, Nancy!
DeleteOoooo is right! Nice plot set up and great finish! The pics are the perfect touch. Nice slice! ;)
ReplyDeleteThe pics were fun to find! I had a hard time finding one of the girl, cause all the ghost girls were super creepy, but I finally got one!
DeleteOh my, I have chills! This was amazing!
ReplyDeleteThanks for participating in our blogfest. :D
My pleasure, this is a super fun blogfest!
DeleteCreepy! Loved this!
ReplyDeleteOh creepy. Vengeance from beyond the grave.
ReplyDelete....dhole
Thanks, guys!
ReplyDeleteI tried commenting and it supposedly posted, but I don't see it, so here I go again. I loved this; short, chilling, great phrasing, fraught with emotion, and incredibly satisfying. Masterfully done!
ReplyDeleteMina's Resurrection Blogfest!
I meant to write "short but chilling." Gah. :-)
DeleteThanks so much, Mina! That's really nice. :) I actually got all three comments haha. My blog likes to eat them, but they generally post to my email, so at least I see them. I'm flattered that you liked my story so much!! This was such a fun bloghop.
DeleteOoh brilliant! I love revenge stories, and this was excellently done. :)
ReplyDeleteYikes! Creepy, creepy, creepy! Especially that picture at the end with the hand sticking up from the ground. And I loved the line about origami. Cool! :-D
ReplyDeleteHey, Tamara, I thought the first line was my favorite until I read this: "Rick’s body folds through the hill like human origami." This is my favorite. I will never get it out of my brain. :) Great story!
ReplyDeleteT
Hey Tamara.... I finally get to tag you with something ;) It's all about sharing your next WIP. Check it out:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.johnkrissilas.com/2012/10/jason-and-argonauts-in-space.html
Thanks Laura, Lexa and Teresa!! I'm glad you all liked my origami line. I could see Rick like that, in my head, just folding through...
ReplyDeleteAnd thanks John!!! I'll get the post up today or tomorrow. :)
Loved this! Sufficiently spooky with a fitting end. :)
ReplyDeleteOh, love it! Great amount of tension in such a short space!
ReplyDeleteWow, that is very creepy - but awesome too. Great job in such a short amount of words!
ReplyDelete