If you're a dreamer, a wisher, a liar
A hoper, a prayer, a magic-bean buyer
If you're a pretender come sit by my fire
For we have some flax-golden tales to spin
Come in...come in...
~Shel Silverstein

Friday, January 18, 2013

The Worst Beginning Ever...

So, MISHA GERRICK is hosting the WORD MASTER CHALLENGE. You can click on the link to get the details. Her challenge for this month is to write a horrible beginning to a novel, in less than 300 words. That was a challenge I couldn't resist and I had a ton of fun with it, so thanks, Misha, for coming up with this one!!

Can't wait to see next month's challenge! And, here is my try at the worst beginning ever:

 I am running, my feet sinking into the drenched, grimy earth! The moist texture of the terrane reminds me of the ambrosial chocolate pudding with crumbling towers of Oreo cookies that my sweet mama used to make. “Mama, can I stir?” “be careful, honey.” “I will be, mama” Stirring the pudding I am humming as warmth embraces me in it’s silky busom.


     My breath bounces from my lungs as I look behind myself, wretchedly wishing I was stirring pudding and singing beautiful songs,  instead of in this ebony coppice, that’s just like the forest from Snow White, in that part where the trees blaze to jagged life and grasp with emaciated arms! Only, in Snow White, it was her imagination. I only wish this is my imagination, but the undulating wailing of the hounds hunting behind me demolishes my hopes to shredded tatters of dreams.

     If the dogs capture me they will slash me to shreds as I shriek my last torn-apart howls of agony!! But still, I would slaughter that Lord again, even knowing that I would be dashing through this atramentous forest. The Lord was wrong to do what he did and somebody had to halt the evil that gushes from him like a river splashing into a gargantuan waterfall!

Someone had to be lionhearted!

And that someone was me!

     And I was glad, even as I flee with my heart now bashing against the stockade  of my chest, trying to pulse itself free with it’s steady punching pulse. 

     It pumps faster and I am panicking now, wondering what to do, but just then my eyes pop open as I bolt upright in bed, drinking in razor-sharp whoops of oxygen. It was a dream. 

28 comments:

  1. Mark Twain would love this ... love to attack it that is! Great bad beginning. As over the top as mine. Mildew had a great time reading it. My outlaw with no name had no time for school to learn to read! :-)

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    1. haha...I LOVED that you named the horse Mildew! I don't think my hero/heroine (not sure what sex I was writing haha) ever went to school either. I had SO much fun writing this. If only real writing could be as easy!

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  2. Hahahahaha I loved this! You picked a classic. :-)

    Good luck with the competition!

    Misha

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    1. thanks, Misha! I had a lot of fun writing it. I had no idea I could write so horribly!

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  3. This sounds like fun. Loving yours!

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    1. Thanks, Alice! Yours was awesome too!!

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  4. Very over the top! Not sure how many more adverbs and adjectives you could cram in there.

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    1. haha...I know, right.It was really fun to write something as horrible as I could make it!

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  5. This is so bad I wanted to drop the read like after the second line. Good job! hahahahaha!

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    1. Why thank you, Al! I'm glad you had a hard time slogging through it. haha

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  6. That was a wonderful "worst" beginning! LOL Great job.

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  7. Ha! That was the best worst beginning ever!

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    1. Thanks Sherri. I wish "real" writing was as easy as bad writing! I could get so much more done!!

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  8. Haha! I was actually thinking, rubbish writing, but sounds like it could be a good story. But making it a dream was such a terrible cliche that you used brilliantly! Great job!

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    1. Thanks, Nick! Yeah, I couldn't resist making it a dream. What's really funny is that, when I first started writing, I started a book with a girl running through a dark forest, terrified, and then bolting up in bed cause it was a dream. haha. I've come a long way since then!

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  9. Nice blog...thanks for stopping by my blog earlier today and commenting on my Saturday Snapshot.

    My dinner was YUMMY, and I did enjoy it. :)

    Elizabeth
    Silver's Reviews

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    1. No problem, Elizabeth! Thanks for stopping by here as well. :)

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  10. There were lots of not so horrible ideas, but the way you did it was so bad it was good! Best worst beginning I've ever read:-)

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    1. Why thank you Jamie, I'm flattered that you thought it was so awful. :)

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  11. This is the best one that I have read so far! Good job.

    www.modernworld4.blogspot.com

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  12. Congratulations: This was dreadful.
    And I mean that in the most nauseatingly, antipathetically, over-the-top described, ALL CAPPED, and exclamation pointed kind of way!!!!!

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  13. Wow, so purple prosey and all just a dream. Yes, a very strong start to a quick death in the slushpile. Good job! I loved the Snow White part. LOL.

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  14. Bahahaha. I love this! What a fun blog hop to do! This was pretty horrible! :P I give you an A.

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  15. Someone trapped your inner editor within a dream. A dream of a dream. Way cool. I had fun reading this. And, I'd love some warm pudding :)

    ......dhole

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  16. LOL. Now that was a head trip. Talk about a good bad beginning!

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  17. Banned complain !! Complaining only causes life and mind become more severe. Enjoy the rhythm of the problems faced. No matter ga life, not a problem not learn, so enjoy it :)

    Obat Kulit Supaya Lebih Bersih Dan Sehat
    Obat Pilek Menahun
    Obat Alami Batu Empedu
    Obat Lupus
    Obat Ginjal Bocor
    Obat Infeksi Lambung
    Penyebab TBC Kelenjar
    Obat Gatal Bibir Vagina
    Cara Menghilangkan Infeksi Jantung
    Obat Penyakit Jantung

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I love to hear from everyone! Thanks for the comment. :)