If you're a dreamer, a wisher, a liar
A hoper, a prayer, a magic-bean buyer
If you're a pretender come sit by my fire
For we have some flax-golden tales to spin
Come in...come in...
~Shel Silverstein

Monday, February 11, 2013

Flash Fiction...

So, Shannon Lawrence at The Warrior Muse posted some really great links with her IWSG post last week. One was to Flash Fiction Chronicles, which I hadn't heard of before. I got in on the last day of a contest they'd been running for a couple weeks. Thanks for posting the links, Sharon!! It's always fun hearing about contests/bloghops/giveaways I'm not aware of.

Since this is a writing blog and I rarely share any stories I've written, I figured I'd post what I wrote  for the challenge.  I was hoping some more experienced flash writers would tell me what they thought of this. Honest opinions! Please don't worry about hurting my feelings, I really would like the truth!! I was worried that it was a little cliche maybe? Or too heavy on sensationalism? What do you guys think?

Okay--so this was called the String-of-10 Five Prompt: We had to use at least four words out of the ten in our stories and, if we could, also integrate the prompt. The word-count could be no higher than 250.


PROMPT WORDS:

EVENING-QUARRY-ACCENT-ROSE-TEAR-MINUTE-GRAVE-CLOSE-ENTRANCE-BOW 

 I want to put a ding in the universe. –Steve Jobs 
Beautiful Stranger

The first time I saw him I was at the florist, buying daisies to leave on my mama's grave. He was buying roses. Our eyes met and his held something strange--like a warning. It left me shivering for a full minute after he left. 

I noticed him again at the hardware store, where I bought rope and he bought duck-tape. Then at the liquor store where I paid eighteen dollars for some Bud and he paid eighty dollars for some scotch. 

He seemed smooth. Polished. Sophisticated. The kind of guy who’d have women chasing him. I didn’t envy him. I didn’t want women chasing me. My mama had only been dead for five years. I was mourning. 


Still, he fascinated me. I seemed to see him everywhere. Whenever he caught me watching, he’d respond with a mocking smile that filled me with both longing and revulsion. I became so caught up in him that I barely noticed the murders tearing apart my town.

At least until they arrested me.

He was there my whole trial. At night, he’d come in my cell and whisper the details of his killings. When they found me guilty, he bragged about how he’d made me honor mama’s wishes. He’d forced me to leave my mark.

Slowly, the days passed. Slowly, I learned to close my eyes and become one with him. 

He’s no longer everything I’m not. Together, we’re charming. Cultured. Smart. Together, we planned our escape. We’re gonna make our mama proud.  


P.S.  Both pics were found through Google Images. Since the second is someone's artwork, I'm including the link to the page  HERE if anyone wants to check it out. 


28 comments:

  1. What a dark piece of fiction. I was hooked to the end.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks for the shout-out! How fun and surprising to come see my name. I like it! Dark and intriguing, with a grim twist at the end. Good luck to you! I entered, too, but I'm liking how much darker you went. Now we have to wait FOREVER!

    Shannon at The Warrior Muse

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oooh... I was captivated by this dark piece of flash fic.
    Nice one Tamara!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Whoa, creepy! This captivated me as well. Still have chills :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. I#m glad you decided to share! It was very chilling, yet captivating too.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Wow, that was really dark! I'm wondering what happened that he was caught up in the murders and found guilty.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Wow-what a great piece. You certainly said a lot with very few words. Nice job!!

    ReplyDelete
  8. That was a very good piece of flash fiction! I liked it a lot. Darker than I was expecting, to be honest. Good luck to you with the contest!

    ReplyDelete
  9. @ Sheena Glad you liked it. I've been experimenting with darker stuff lately. :)
    @ Shannon You're welcome! Flash Fiction Chronicles was a great link. Did you put up your entry anywhere? I'd love to read it. It's always fun to see the radically different directions people take prompts!
    @ Thanks, Michelle!
    @ Jess Glad I gave you chills!
    @ Moonduster I always want to visit your site but I can never find it. Please tell me which one it is!! you visit me a lot and I feel better never coming by to see you!!
    @ Sherry It's supposed to be that it was him all along-a split personality thing. If you read it again, you'll see it clearly. Some caught it, some didn't. :)
    @ Jaybird Flash fiction is a great tool for writing, especially if you struggle with wordcount issues, which I always have!
    @ Jak Cryton Did you put your piece up anywhere? I'd love to read it!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Have to admit I like a little of the dark creepy in the stories I read. No weird stuff. But dark and creepy yes. And thanks for posting my Blogfest badges on your side bars!

    ReplyDelete
  11. So it wasn't Professor Plum in the Billiard Room with the Lead Pipe?

    ReplyDelete
  12. Holy crap! Loved it. I always try to do dark, I love it so, but it always ends up goofy!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Hey,

    I liked the whole twist thing and I don't know if this was deliberate but I noticed the Stranger always bought something of more value than the narrator (roses over daisies; scotch over Bud)... I thought that was an interesting take.

    My only comments would be I didn't like the cliche... "our eyes met..." but then I *loved* the rest of the sentence.

    I also thought it was cool when it was a man - and not a woman POV.

    Well done, and I hope you had fun... I *love* flash fiction with prompts and all :)

    ReplyDelete
  14. Quite haunting, Tamara, I really liked this.

    ReplyDelete
  15. WOW. I haven't tried a lot of flash fiction, being such a long winded girl, but that was amazing. Great twist,dark and creepy in a Primal Fear way, with a bit of Fight Club thrown in. Really nice job. And like Nick said, haunting. I'm going to be thinking about this one for a while...
    Thanks for your visit at Life is Good. Not sure where you can order your SMK, but I'm sure there's a non-seafood version available ;-)


    Tina @ Life is Good
    Co-host, April 2013 A-Z Challenge Blog
    @TinaLifeisGood, #atozchallenge

    ReplyDelete
  16. @ Stephen You're welcome for posting the badge! And glad you like dark and creepy. :) I never thought I'd be any good at writing it but I wanted to try and this got a good response. Although I'm not sure everyone got it--but that's cool. :)

    @ Powdered Toast Man It was definitely professor Plum, lead pipe and all. What made you think it wasn't???? :)

    @ Amy Thanks, Amy!!

    @ Mark You're right. About the "our eyes met" Didn't even pick up on what a cliche that was. haha. Glad you liked the rest though!

    @ Nick Thank you, Nick!!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Loved it very much! Didn't find any of it too cliche...

    ReplyDelete
  18. Loved it very much! Didn't find any of it too cliche...

    ReplyDelete
  19. Nice job! I like the edginess of it, especially since it started out so sweet!

    ReplyDelete
  20. @ Tina Wow. Thanks! That was a nice compliment. Fight Club is one of my all time favorite movies!

    @ Millie I had read something on flash fiction where the guy said he got really tired of people using sensationalism. It's an easy way to put drama into such a small piece so he said that they get a lot of murders, serial killers etc...of course I read that after I wrote this and it made me totally second guess the piece. haha. Glad it didn't come off too cliche!

    @ PK that fast switch from sweet to creepy was exactly what I aimed for. Thanks!

    @ Kelly Thanks, Kelly! Glad you liked it. :)

    ReplyDelete
  21. Great job with this one. I used to write lots of flash fiction based on Prompts (did that for 2 AZ Challenges as well.) It can be truckloads of fun!

    ReplyDelete
  22. I LOVE these posts--great job again:-)

    ReplyDelete
  23. Sorry for the late response Tamara! I have yet to place my piece up, but if I do I will let you know :)

    ReplyDelete
  24. Yowza! That was creeeeeeeeee-peeeee! :-)

    ReplyDelete
  25. Honestly, not a whole lot happens in this first issue. It's mostly chanel outlet setup. Nelson briefly recaps the essential parts of WAR OF WORLDS, culminating with the Martians' defeat. However, he begins his own survivor story that, as Mark Waid proclaims chanel outlet on the cover, will probably look like "A Sci-Fi Walking Dead." Now, most COMICSCAPE readers know that I rank THE WALKING DEAD up there with fire, the wheel, sliced bread, and porn on video. I love that title, and any survivor, on-the-road title that comes out in the next few years will inevitably draw comparisons. Unfortunately, without a few more issues, I can't say whether WAR OF THE WORLDS: SECOND WAVE louis vuitton outlet will live up to the zombie stomping goodness of Robert Kirkman's book. However, Nelson sets up Miles in a familiar, yet effective manner with an identifiable personal tragedy -- being powerless to save a loved one and swearing bloody, horrible revenge. Chee -- the one-named artist -- draws well swiss replica watches enough, though a couple of panels lack polish, mostly with characters' faces. However, while it's certainly not a distraction, it looks a bit rough in parts.

    ReplyDelete

I love to hear from everyone! Thanks for the comment. :)